There has often been thought to be a link between how we feel about ourselves, how we feel others feel about us, and our mood.
Of course this situation is something of a chicken and an egg; did the low self esteem come first and help cause an increased level of anxiety or did it come as a result of the anxiety? No doubt the answer to that question is different for different people.
The fact is that most anxiety sufferers, like most people in general, are going to feel better all round when they feel good about themselves. This may, or may not, lead to a significant change in their anxiety levels.
One important part of how we feel about ourselves is how we look at other people. There is a tendency, when we are feeling bad about ourselves, to look at others in a somewhat “rose tinted” way. We tend to make them into gods, perfect human specimens. Before we know it our imagination has run away with us, and we forget that they have faults at all, sometimes have bad days, and are not universally loved. At this point two things can happen:
Firstly, we can turn nasty and start to take glee and happiness from other people’s misfortune because it brings them down to our lowly level. This tends to have the result of losing you friends in the long term and also seems to provoke a cynical attitude to success and happiness. Also, if we start to take pride in other people’s failures we tend to assume other people will take pride in ours, likewise if we never forget their failure we assume they will never forget ours. Eventually we may start to avoid taking risks to improve ourselves or to try something new and exciting in fear of our failure becoming the focus of other’s attention, as their failures have become the focus of ours.
Secondly we see ourselves as inferior to other, more successful people. This can lead to a negative cycle of anxiety or depression and a belief that we can never reach their perfect level.
The only way to avoid this is to catch yourself thinking about yourself and others in dysfunctional ways. Don’t take glee in other people’s failures and don’t make them god-like when they are successful. Look out for your thoughts and behaviours towards others and just remind yourself that life has ups and downs for us all. These people who you think are gods are normal, so just treat them as such.
